Filmed over a period of 7 months, Kegel is a three-channel performance for video that I define as an act of self-care that is doomed to failure. Kegel is very much a self-portrait—my own futile attempt at healing both structural and intimate wounds. This work is performed for the self and then extended to the viewer as documentation.
The videos are installed in a cold, barren room with just a hint of domesticity. I have placed two rugs on the floor to lead the viewer’s eye and mind into the intimate space of the work. All three channels are displayed on one wall so as to allow the viewer to jump back and forth through the narrative. The stillness of my body and of the compositions is reminiscent of painting. The pace of the work is slow and contemplative. I create moments for the viewer to examine the space between self-care, labor, and futility — concepts that overlap for me.
The entirety of the work is filmed at my home and studio in San Antonio, Texas. Intimate space has been a through-line for much of my work. For Kegel I have opened up my own intimate living space — where I loosely employ the aesthetics of care through the exaggerated performance of luxuriation and abundance. The act of self-care is one of labor. In this video piece I labor in futility knowing that my rest is doomed because self-care can not in and of itself be a healing gesture.
The left-most channel contains the bulk of the narrative. Seemingly simple acts of rest turn into visual disintegrations of my body. I nihilistically lounge about my house, placing myself into my environment in ways opposite to their intended use. I fail at making these gestures restful, there is an emptiness to the movements and a sense that I do not fit my surroundings.
The remaining two channels show performances of eating as attempts at abundance. I attempt care through caloric intake, I show myself the opposite of scarcity. I eat in ways that exaggerate luxuriation. My body language is over-the-top so as to ingrain in my mind that I am resting. These two channels are filmed in a room mimicked by the installation, it is empty save for a bed and a yellow midcentury bar cart that holds my snacks.
Kegel is an abstraction and encapsulation of existence as labor, and an earnest practice of failed gestures.The work is aware of itself, it is not self-conscious but rather aware of its own futility. With this work I am offering a glimpse into my mind, my absurdity, and my art practice. The work is an absurd, symbolic gesture towards achieving some form of emotional solidity.
